What A Highblower!: The Christmas Edition - Part One

NOTE: I forgot to mention in my previous post about my stance on religion.  Yeah, I don't have one.  I'm no atheist (something has to had prevented me from getting my ass kicked all these years) but the Catholic church bores me to tears. Besides, they won't let gays be great but protect child rapists.  So know - GOING IN! - that this post will have nothing to do with Jesus.


Okay, let's let the holy rollers exit stage left before we continue...


All right...*clears throat*...let's begin:


I think the last time I truly enjoyed Christmas, I was a virgin, Hammer had a hit record & it was cool to wear your pants backwards. Once I started working & having to purchase gifts for others, the season began its' ascent into fucklessness.  Now that I have children, it's pretty much the most dreadful time of the year.


Take my son for example: We got the Toys R Us Big Toy Book in the mail & he went apeshit.  FYI: that travesty should be fucking outlawed. It's the epitome of corporate greed & mass marketing to children.  (*pulls out feathered pen to write Obama, licks tip* Dear Mr. President, Big thick adbooks for toys? Stop that shit.  Yours In Christ, Kels). This child circled every single toy that wasn't pink. Really?  Then you have the biggest greedfest of all - Black Friday.  Being inside of a Wal-Mart at 12 midnight with an electronics aisle that looks like the first 15 minutes of Saving Private Ryan - no ma'am!


That's probably why I decided to postpone all of my shopping until tomorrow - the last Saturday before Yahweh's birthday.  Yawwup! *smacks gum*

I have faith all will go well.  I have a list, people!  Well...I have aisles designated for everyone on my list. I am going to put on my Beats by Gaga, listen to this joint on repeat & hope I don't have to elbow someone in the neck over a $25 Star Wars Light Saber:

*You know how Kanye inspires me to be reckless.  LOL! I'll let you know how it goes in Part 2 - stay tuned!